Bangkok Bdsm Dominatrix Jaa4u >> A One Way Kiss
“Have you disconnected your phone?”
No, just want to disconnect from my mom … unfortunately that means the world too but only for a week. She doesn’t want to answer my calls fine … now she cannot call me for anything too. But funny you know … 5 hours after i put my sms card on the desk my door was knocking … or somebody knock on my door … my door cannot knock by itself lol. And there is Fon my friend … girlfriend but not like you think just friend really. She is worried i stop my phone and my Line and my WhatsApp so she come to see if i am ok.
She knows … she knows about everything. Probably she feels like one client i told everything to … he email me back …
“If I could wave a wand like Harry
Potter I would take all your pain away.”
A wand is ok …. i am ok with that. She well … she has a different idea for how to take the pain away and this is where i am confused about me in my life who i am. I am a little bit shocked from that client what he said to me because i have to say to you … he got it … he understand about me 100% …
“And when I read how you hurt in your heart I see how you use the mask of Mistress Jaa to hide you, the real Jaa”
So she comes in my condo and she sees me and i am trying to do always like i do when you come to my condo or anybody comes to my condo i act 100% normal and it can fool 99% of everybody who comes. Honest i think most people in the world are like that … they see nothing special they only can see the basic thing the eye has to see like how to cross a street and what water he likes to buy in 711 and where is the key to open his door … something basic like that.
Me i can always see more. I have no idea who or how i can do that. If i sit on a bts i can see and know a lot about everybody there … how somebody is feeling … why they dress like that … where they shop and shop for what … how is the face? … and same time i always listen to my music in my ipod so i don’t see it so much … but it cannot stop me i see too much.
So it surprise me when i am looking for a tonic water and vodka … she likes Smirnoff if you don’t know … but only a little bit … and i make it and give it to her and she just put it on the table and hug me.
Ok you want me to be honest with you … two things happen so fast. So first i am mad why she hug me because i am mad at myself for not hide good enough what i feel … i let it show but how i did that? Then something i can never never never never do with a man … i start to let the hug inside me and i feel it and why she do it. That killed me like a poison because i start to feel weak and shaking and want to cry … but i don’t want to hold her or hug her back understand?
Why because … too many man in my life ruin any feeling for me. In Canada … i had 1 friend i never understand anything about him because i never saw somebody like him in my life. Somebody who don’t care about anything … about him if he hurt or if what he say hurt somebody or what somebody feel or think about him. He never have a mood … good mood … bad mood … sad mood or even angry mood. Like he is on the earth and he is so smart but have no feeling in his heart for how to feel … understand?
Dysthymia
Consult a doctor if you have a medical concern.
Dysthymia is a chronic type of depression in which a person’s moods are regularly low
Ok i emailed him … i am ok to tell you what that is he has but cannot tell you about him who he is … ok i never do that anyway about anybody. Why he is the only man i have connection with … and he always still do my photoshop photo or anything hard in my blog … my blog is not possible if i don’t have him. Why because we understand each other … but only now … start from last year really when i start to understand myself and understand english and foreigners more … then i get everything about him finally.
One time i never forget ok … i go to see him to go see a movie and he cannot go. Why because he scream .. .try to cry … he do that so loud so long so much his eye is shatter and his face have like a red mark every place like a zombie. He had to that that you know why? Because he cannot have a feeling and if he can cry … ok then he can feel something.
And for me … because of everything in my life about men … i feel like that with everybody who is a man. I think i have 100% exactly same thing like him but for me that is a block only for men. Understand? Because ask Natty … she knows how mad i can be .. how crazy … how sad … how happy … i go up down so much i make anybody who live with me crazy.
So Fon is holding me and no way i want to cry or show anything … so like he say in the email to me … i change to Mistress Jaa. First time for 3 weeks i had to do that … maybe now you understand why i have no session for one month … it is like i have to run away from her. That is the only way i can hide from her … sound like a horror movie or something right?
And you always email me … something like ‘i want to go to dinner so i can know the real Jaa first’ … like you think i can switch change just like that. No … you see a mask when you meet me … a nice mask of course because you have a wonderful time and maybe because my Thai style i know how to make you feel comfortable and relax and laugh and have fun … but that is not me ok. Why because i control you for the 2 hours you stay here in my condo. That … gives me power. and That … i what i love.
You know like i get a email like this …
“Hey i was wondering if you could tease and deny me
I have feel the need for a mistress to really tease me very bad and make me beg so i can see what My limits are
I personally dont think anyone can make me submit”
And i personally think … ‘fuck you’ … you will submit because i will fucking make you beg me to let you cum … and when you start to lose control and not have fun because you see your word is nothing and you feel you start to lose … that is when i get power over you. The same man in my xhamster video … he liked to talk like you too … nobody can control him. And i fucking turn him to a shaking baby after 3 hours … that when he shake is a reddit viral video now ok.
That is Mistress Jaa see that? I don’t have a feel like i love your cock or your body … i don’t like you to touch me … and i hate absolutely hate the most to kiss anybody. But i love to tease like crazy. It gives me a power … but what you don’t know is it give me a revenge too same time.
It is why i am the best … i will make me find a way to find what is your weak part in your body … in your mind … i will find it and i will kill you with that with my fingers. Or maybe my foot. Or my ass. Or my booby. Whatever i find makes you crazy … that i use to break you.
And i know your wife … your girlfriend … she cannot do that because what you have with her is a love. You love to kiss her … hold her … have sex with her … but she cannot control you and break you. She cannot find what is the thing that can make your body shake and make you cry same time. I can because i don’t love you … i don’t have a feel for you … i have only a way to break you and … big surprise about men … they love it. They love it like crazy because you need more than love.
And me i am opposite … i don’t need love … i need control.
So just before … or same time i lose control from Fon hold me i stop myself and let go of her. So she stop and look at me. If … if ok … she can see inside me like Superman or something … she can see i am sad … broken … lonely … scared … and worry about too many thing.
I have to hide that … so because i know from before she like me … i had one time with her when she was drunk first time i met her and she only kissed my pussy because she was shy … i take out Mistress Jaa now and i look at her lip.
I pull her from her bra to my lip and ask her when she is so close to me in Thai … what you want? Do it.
So she kiss me … she kiss me like crazy actually like she try to get something from me. Like a man who kiss me is like that too … if he know he can make me excited from try to kiss me he will get hard … and more crazy … and soon sex right? Ok but i feel nothing. Like i say i am not lesbian … not a nun because i don’t do sex … not crazy because i don’t love back … i just like control. It is like a drug that will make Mistress Jaa come out get it?
The more she kiss me the more i can feel her breathe hard … so i take the vodka i make for her from the table … and i go on the sofa … same sofa from where is the mirror you see when you come in my condo now … if you come here before you know where i talk about right?
But it is on the other side now where my shoe was before … i will put it back i don’t like the style … but for yesterday was interesting because i can see her what she do to me from looking in the mirror behind her.
I sit on the sofa and drop all the vodka on my pussy. On my panty actually and my shirt. And push her down from her bra lol to my pussy and i watching her suck the vodka from my panty in the mirror.
Probably … because i know man are crazy about 2 girls like that … you think i am going crazy from her lip close to my pussy right? No you don’t know me. I feel nothing. I am doing what? Just looking at her ass in the mirror and want so much to have one slave client … with a mask on his face so he cannot see … come and touch her pussy with his cock when she is like that … her ass in the air.
No not fuck her. See … that is amazing for him what he wants to do exactly. No .. just want him to feel his cock touch her pussy … and same time she is licking my panty i want her to feel his cock touch her so she is scared and maybe excited same time … who care what she feel … only i care is that she don’t control anything … only me i control next what happen to her.
But no man 
… no session … i don’t plan this she just come by surprise to my condo so i only can watch her try to take off my panty and get to my pussy. Of course i don’t let her do that … too easy. Make you mad or make her mad if you have to fight my panty to see what my pussy looks like and always have to hold that off so you can lick.
I don’t even put my body up … so she try to fight to go lower so she can get her tongue to where i am sensitive … but from her where she is that is hard. And i like that … why because i don’t get a chance to get wet or lose control … everything is about control.
For a second i think that is a magic time … my phone has no sim so nobody will call … my family is disconnect from me so nobody will come … i have no session … condo is empty … so that is just me watching her trying to eat my pussy and going crazy to try to do it … and you know what? I am happy again.
But … i know … Mistress Jaa is happy understand? Like .. i know still i am sad but she Mistress Jaa don’t let me be sad now … she makes me happy to control everything.
Maybe in a life where i have no control from anything … this is what i can control … and that is my love for me … i think i get it … for me that is what is love.
Also … i am normal ok .. i love to cum love to have a orgasm but by myself. Or … like i do sometimes with you if i have a mood for it … i make you make me cum how i want you to do that … not even close to what you want to do to me or for me. And anyway … even if i let you do ‘all your move’ that make you think you are ‘so amazing’ … like you say in all your email … i will feel absolutely 100% nothing from ‘all your best moves’. Understand?
I take her .. pull her from her panty to the bedroom and she love that. I think everybody who love to be submissive love to be pull by his cock … or for a girl by pussy or by booby. My best session in Pattaya i pull somebody by a string from when i sew something … i put that on his cock from his zipper to my hand and make it black so nobody can see it easy … and i pull him every place for 24 hour … honest i can tell you for 24 hour he never one minute had his cock soft ok. Why because just have to touch it and pull it and can wake him up easy … then do nothing with that lol … you hate it but you love it 
From the bed my tv is left side close to my foot and she i make her go beside my bed and like i say many time before .. just make her suck my booby and play with her finger in my pussy same time i play with my toy. I know she want to lick or suck my pussy and ya i will let her … but only all the water that will come out when i cum.
When i cum … i just leg lock her head so she understand i dont want her to leave. And i do my sms and play my game on my phone and let her live there bored in my pussy. Maybe she thinks i will do more or do something to her because she is wet probably … but i don’t want to touch her pussy or her booby or kiss her. She stay like that 15 min about that and finally she say she have to go back to her house.
Ok i let her go. I just stay on the bed and she get her shoe and say goodbye and gone.
What i think? She went home to take care of herself to have a orgasm. Maybe she will think about her when she kiss me and that will make her cum. Or maybe she will think why that was a one way kiss? If ya she will sms me but my phone is off … so she will have to think … until jan 18 i have a session with her and somebody.
I don’t want her to feel bad. I really enjoy that she come to the condo. I really enjoy she try to hug me to make me feel better. And i love i had a amazing orgasm …. about 2 week i never had even 1 orgasm.
But what i really don’t enjoy … is that kiss … and any kiss … always will be a one way kiss.