Bangkok Bdsm Dominatrix Jaa4u >> part 3 just passed 10,000 words (still writing)
Hey 
Good morning. I just posted this update on my Fanvue … here I’ll paste it for ya ….
Mistress Wael : Beyond Submission
4 minutes ago
I just crossed over 10,000 words for On Punishment , part 3. And all I can think of is this song by Queen : https://youtu.be/HgzGwKwLmgM?si=fEUAc0KB3GZOU8HZ
I feel alive … ive … ive … ive. So don’t stop me now. Cuz I’m having a good time. Having a good time.
I’ve been up since 4am after another disappointingly long 9 hour sleep. I guess that’s something I’m just going to have to live with is the need to sleep for 9 hours at a time. Which is a normal thing right – they say get 8 hours of sleep a night and it does you a world of good, but I tend to wake up after 9 hours, right to the last minute. I mean, my watch says I’ve slept within 3 minutes of a nine hour sleep for five days in a row now.
So maybe that’s the ‘ok’ zone of me trying to ween myself off this Haloperidol by taking 1/2 a tablet not quite every other day but I’m up to taking it every 32 hours instead of every 24. Which is why my sleep schedule has been all over the place in February. I’m kind of taking the Intermittent Fasting approach now to getting this crap out of my system in that I’m increasing every week the time between doses by a few more hours.
Like, by Sunday I should be up to 36 hours and then 40 and 48 and so on. What I’m noticing now is how powerful the effect of just a 1/2 tablet is. Say I take my next dose at noon today. By 2pm I’d be out cold. But by 1pm, just an hour before, writing becomes impossible. The brain simply cannot generate a single thought. Think about that. Imagine trying to think of something – but being unable to do so.
And as I experience the frustration around that feeling I – for the first time – have come to understand what drove my friend Mike crazy in the end, so much so that he ended things by putting a shotgun into his mouth and pulling the trigger. He suffered from Dysthymia – an inability to feel emotion. He could mimic laughing or crying, but couldn’t experience the sensation that comes with it. So he lived in an emotional vacuum. He said the only way it helped him was – since he was a doctor in North Carolina – when he gave patients a terminal diagnosis – he didn’t and couldn’t feel any emotion or empathy when doing so and it made his job doable.
I could never understand nor forgive him until this year when this feeling of being unable to fire a single neuron in my brain to think something simple like “hey, I’m hungry, I have this feeling of hunger, I should go eat.” Nope, can’t do it. What I don’t get is how my doctor prescribes the stuff like it’s candy. I have enough packs of the tablets in the desk drawer over there to feed an entire neighbourhood for a month. That’s nonsense. Anyways, my next dose shouldn’t come until near midnight tonight so I have another day to keep writing. 10,000 words. I think that’s a record for me. But it’s crazy how slow I write for my book and how fast I blurt things out into my phone for you guys here. I’d say it’s 10x faster when I write post for fanvue.
Also, chatGPT I’ve noticed is taking more and more liberties with my work – the longer the story gets. I think it is understanding what the chapter is about as I have a whole thread dedicated to On Punishment that I keep adding to and I’d say that the more context it has the more it is starting to move sentences around and adding to them and re-arranging paragraphs. I know that because for example in the photo here – I had ended off with the last thing I’d said in Thai being : คุณดูเหมือนกำลังขี่ม้าเลย … “and you look like you’re riding a Horsey!” Then I linked the YouTube video to the Once Upon a Time in Hollywood scene where I got that horsey comment from.
But when chatGPT looked at it … whereas when writing parts 1 and 2 it would just fix the grammar and punctuation and sentence structure that needs adding to when converting from thai to english …. it is now acting like a chef who wants to change how the final meal will taste by adding her own ingredients to the soup. Know what I mean? Which is why I need you guys – as you read it – to tell me if you can feel the difference between parts 1& 2 … as compared to part 3.
And then as I mentioned yesterday, to see if a Grok rewrite vs a DeepSeek rewrite would change how the chapter feels when you’re reading it. I say this because the way I’m saying and writing it in Thai is very much me – and I don’t really want it to keep adding its own taste in writing to my ideas … even though those ideas might make the book better. I think I’d be happier with a more basic and poetic sounding book that sounds like me … rather than a professionally written book that loses some of it soul.
Not that I’m saying confidently that my poetic style has soul … but I think it has some. So do let me know if the story losses some of my soul or if it keeps it ok. That’s really important for me. I think by the afternoon, so I don’t keep everybody waiting too long, even if part 3 isn’t done yet – I’ll publish what I have written as it’ll take you quite some time to read it. And then maybe I’ll work on a part 4. But that being said, I have to get it done by the 15th because I’m not making any money at all hardly.
Not enough to pay for the university tuition for my daughter’s term starting in late March … so come the 15th and for the 2nd half of the month I have to focus on videos. Specifically HTS videos as they support me. Like, Femscat is sitting at $0 for the first time in 3.5 years this far into the month and that can’t happen. So as much as I love – really love this new direction I’m trying to take things … I simply must stay tied to my ball & chain … which is HTS content too. Sob, sniff 
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