Bangkok Bdsm Dominatrix Jaa4u >> Hopeless
“Jaa i cannot log in to my email” … my friend in Chiang Mai calling me…”i cannot put my password”.
She is a thai lady same like me but she older than me. Little bit fat and like me too because she never have a chance to go to school. But she have a good life because her Germany boyfriend older than her take care everything for her for a long time.
But after he is missing for 1 month and no money come for her house or her daughter she ask me to help her find what happened.
Ok i open my computer and ask her how to spell her password so i can take a look to her email. Easy it is her last name … in English … but i can try to see how to spell that and about 3 times i try i get it.
I read to her what happened … police get him at his airport … how i know i see a email from his lawyer he send to her. Now she want to take a look too so i have to say to her how to open her email.
“Ok first letter … W”
“What is a W?”
“letter … it looks like you go down and up and down and up again so 4 times”.
But she don’t understand what i talk about … ok you try to say in Thai what is a W … it look like what? Ok and her last name is 15 letters try to say what every letter look like. Not possible.
I help her because i know how she feels.
In Toronto first time i try to call to my mom when i am alone in the condo. About exactly 10 years ago … i had no idea what is a W … what is Country Code 66 … mean what?
I tried to call to my mom 1 day all day. Start from morning and i never give up to afternoon. I try to use a internet first time … cannot open it. Try to read the phone book how to call to Thailand … cannot read anything. Try to go outside because in Bangkok ok you can find a place to make a call so easy. Toronto? Forget it … i can only walk and look inside every store to see what they do because i cannot read any sign.
Today after i take my son to school my uncle he wants to stop for NGV gas for my taxi car and put air in the tire. The machine for air has 4 buttons … and how to use the machine have thai language of course.
I sit looking at him and i see 1 more car come behind me … and 1 more car after 1 minute. Still he cannot think how to put air in the tire. He push every button up down up down for 2 minutes. Every time we go to put air he is like that.
Why because he cannot even read Thai … our language.
A lot in my family cannot read. A lot of people where my mom and my family live cannot read.
He start to put the air in the tire finally and i sit and start to think about my life when i lived in my mom house before. Everything make sense to me now.
7am … cannot stand it before because when 7am comes the speaker … every soi have about 10 speaker ok … and somebody start to read the news what is happening in Samut Prakan. Where to go for blood … what clinic is open … where to vote … how to be happy … how to live … everything like that.
Ya have to have that because not a lot can read. If they don’t have that everybody will feel like me before … like my uncle now putting in air … like my friend in Chiang Mai … hopeless.
So i am thinking how far i am now for how smart i am compare to before. Not bad.
Then yesterday somebody sms me from 2 years ago … if you read my blog for a long time you know i went to India 2 years ago. I stay in his USA condo place in Bangalore for 2 weeks and just relax … nice for him to let me do that because i really had stress so much before.
The one thing i want the most from jaa4u … is to quit jaa4u and open a business.
That still to me is hopeless. What business i can do i have no idea yet.
I cannot even think about how to open 1 business and this is my sms with him yesterday …
“I have been in and out of bkk since September trying to make business.
“What will you do now?”
“I don’t know as i have one more project to try. If it makes good money i stay, if not i may look outside Thailand. Got a good partner now. I closed a new company this month because the manager was too difficult to work with.”
Omg. He closed his business in India … come here and has 1 already from before it make a lot of money for him … he try a new business and close it already … and now open business number 3 … and i cannot even open 1 business.
I feel hopeless.
Ya i have english now … can do jaa4u and bdsm better than everybody … and my brain always think about money.
But the more smart i get … the more dumb i feel. Why?
I think i am so far from before. But compare to how far i have to go … and i don’t have a lot of time to get there … i don’t see a future really. I think now a lot about my future.
I need to go inside his brain and see how he can think. I want to live inside his brain lol.
I can work harder than him easy. I think nobody can work harder than me. But i want to work smart too … work hard is not enough i think.
Lol … see look at my brain how i think. I am proud i just put in my story to and too … now i am learning how to do to and too because for 10 years that is crazy hard for me to know why you have to and too and two.
Proud about that … means i am so far from how to do a business.
This is my life ok. Like i start to learn everything important from 22yo. Now April 16 coming soon and i will be 32.
And my dream i want to finish jaa4u before 35. Want to have a business. Want to live in my house here every day not 1 day 1 month. Don’t want somebody to “take care’ so i have to beg for money.
I have a lot to do.
So next time you feel hopeless because your nose is inside my ass and you cannot breathe … i am on top of you and have the same feeling.