Bangkok Bdsm Dominatrix Jaa4u >> Happy But Sad
Last month every morning was a hell for me.
Actually it start from November and just get worse and worse … and Feb. was maximum for how bad was everything in my family.
No way to wake up my son and make him ready for school … every day he cannot stop to cry … every day he fight me to not want to take a shower or eat something or put on his clothes. I feel so bad to take him to wait for the school bus because he make a face like he hate me and everybody who wait can see that and look at me so bad.
So honest … i stop take him to the school bus … i let him go himself.
Even if he act like that and make everything so hard for me i never hit him. I don’t believe that is a good idea for how to make a baby listen to me. Because it never one time work for me … and if you know me in school you know how many teacher hate me too and hit me every day. So? I change from that? No not even a little bit.
It really piss me off every teacher hit him like they hit me before. It just make him more mad and more mad and change his personality who he is. I think last time i see my son smile was Xmas because so many client buy him a toy. Think about that ok … 3 months and not one smile because he hate school so much.
So forget about it. My blog is about what happened today not about before.
Today he wake me up 6am many times because i put my alarm for 7am.
“mommy i have to go to school … wake up … mommy wake up i want to go to school’
I look at my phone …5:55 you have to be joking. School is 8am.
“mommy i have to go now i love you good bye”
what? i look at my phone and omg what happened to 1 hour? now 7am
‘ok go shower’
‘i shower already’
‘ok put on your clothes’
‘i do it already mommy’
‘brush your teeth’
‘finished already … i wait for you outside’. I think you have to have a baby yourself if you want to know how amazing is that
I think i wake up after that because really i don’t remember a lot from 7am to 8am. I remember i come back and try to sleep 8:30 and somebody come 9am to fix the cable for my tv.
I remember i sleep after that 10am and 10:30 somebody come to put the hot water in my bathroom so my nipple don’t have to get so hard every morning from cold water. Seriously you have no idea how cold is the water here … my booby is so big every morning because of that.
11am forget about sleep … sun is so hot and if i don’t clean something i will go crazy. Yes i am that crazy for cleaning.
3pm i go to pick him up from school. I have to learn how to drive soon .. 1 more year my taxi will belong to me and i will change that to my car. I have to have a car here for Chiang Mai and i know already the hell that will make in my family. So my uncle drives me to pick him up and i see him 3:30.
And he cries. He don’t want to go with me. Why? Because he have too much fun in school.
Ok he knows i want to go to Lotus for shopping so i have to wait for him to say goodbye to everybody. How? First day at his new school and he have to say goodbye to how many already?
I wait about 20 minute for him to go and come back now almost 4pm … i want to go shopping.
No idea where he is but finally i see him and he come and run to me and jump and make me hold him. I almost fall because that is first time he hold me like that start from 4 months ago.
Serious … he really hate me now for 4 months. Every day is worse from before. Every week is a hell for me because he stop looking at me … stop talking to me … stop do anything with me. Last month we fight and he actually say he hate me so much. After that my heart just die you know i don’t know how to say how i feel start from that day but my life change.
Try to hide jaa4u from him. Do my story 3am when he sleeps. Make a session so early afternoon so i can finish before he will come home. Hide everything in my condo so he cannot find anything. Change every blanket so it is ben 10 or Batman again for him. For what? Because he hate me … because his teacher at school make him hate to live.
His ear hurt from the teacher hurt him … he have a mark on his arm from the teacher hit him. And what can i do? My blood just get hotter and hotter … but that is my country … nothing i can do.
Ya i can do something … change the school he will go to a foreigner style school.
Ok i carry him to the taxi and you have to feel my heart ok … i can feel it so loud because i am so happy for him and so happy finally he do something to show he love me still.
But i don’t want to do something … say something to piss him off … i want him to stay like that so much. So i am careful what i have to say to him. The most i am scared is his school if he have fun or no? He make a friend finally? Everybody hate him so much at my condo i give up long time ago for him to have a friend. His teacher hit him? This school the teacher can hit or no?
“if 100 is the best and 1 is your new school is so bad you hate it … what number do you like to say is your school after today?” … i ask him that.
“100″ he answer so fast … not even 1 second he think about his answer … just 100 fast like that out from his mouth.
“you want to stay here?”
“yes please i want to stay can i?”
“of course” and i smile to him. Look at that … don’t hit a baby … don’t be mean to a baby … make a school a place he wants to go because it is fun … and he will ask if he can stay and learn more. Amazing idea you think so?
“i love you mommy” … wow first time after how long he say that to me. You know i am Mistress Jaa ok … i am strong … i am a tough girl or maybe a bad girl from your eyes … and i never show Jaa too much. Because Jaa can cry and i don’t like to show that. But ‘i love you’ from him makes me want to cry so much.
Now he sits in my taxi and he cannot stop smiling. I look at him sit and smile and finally he is 100% happy.
So about 2 more weeks i will say goodbye to my son.
I think about that and i cannot stop my tear from my eye … it have to come out. I have to look outside the window so nobody can see me cry and wait for my uncle to get to my house … and now i look at my house and it makes me feel so empty.
Natty will leave me soon i can feel that … i have a 6 sense. Nobody want to do a session with her after her operation and she start to live again with no money like before she meet me. I don’t think she is happy now.
Mean i will be alone in my condo. Alone in my life.
Only 1 good thing about that is my mom will finally move from her house in Samut Prakan … well my house it still belong to me … and stay in Chiang Mai so she will not be mad i think so if i change my taxi to my car soon next year.
And 2 is i talk english with my son … maybe you don’t know that. She will talk only thai to him of course and his thai will go up from that. So weird .. his English is 10 times more than his thai … his teacher today say that to me and i agree.
What i want to know is what i can do to do jaa4u and be happy if i am alone in my life.
What i hate the most from jaa4u is like i say before … i do 20 email to make a session and after i like somebody i see him for his session and he is gone until next year … i never get a email until he will come again.
I feel lonely from that. Ok before because i can make a joke to Natty or go play with my son and i forget about it. What i can do when i am alone and i feel like that?
I have to see and learn what to do. Because if you don’t know me by now … you will never never know me. I do my blog and jaa4u sessions for my son. I don’t care really for anything else in the world. My life is just for him to be happy and have a chance.
And his smile today tells me i have to stay work in Bangkok and he has to stay live in Chiang Mai.
Even if that will kill my heart i have to do it.
And like my 2 friends say to me in sms … i can work 3 weeks and visit him 1 month 1 time. But i cannot stay live here in my house i have to go back.
Go around come around. That is Tease & Denial back to me.